| i don't want to cry anymore.
this is hard.
family sucks.
food sucks.
118, and wishing i was lower.
round, and round and round she goes.
where she stops?
nobody knows. |
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| intake cheerios 100 chips 240 total 340 |
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| so stressed about everything.. school fall play work college apps homecoming weight..
do things ever get easier?
yesterday was my moms bday party. it was thrown by her boyfriend. it honestly made me so sad. i just wish my family wasn't so broken. when she and her boyfriend kissed i just couldn't handle it and i went to the bathroom and started crying. It's not that I don't like her boyfriend, he's really nice and way better for her than my dad. He's just not my dad, and I wish that he was. I miss my family so much. I miss when things were easier and we all loved each other.
My heart hurts
Btw, still fat. Still gross. Still wishing I was someone else. Some skinny. With a real family.
Love u all. |
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| intake four pieces of toast [440] soup w bread [165] total 605
so today i woke up at 6:15 am with a pounding headache. the kind that makes you want to cry and curl up in bed and fall asleep. unfortuneutly, i couldn't fall back asleep, no matter how hard i tried.
and then i puked. a lot. it was gross, but it's the first time in a while that i've done that - with or without trying to. but i lost like 10 lbs in water weight, which was kind of awesome. the scale got down to 109 - it hasn't been that low in over a year. right now it's 115.6, which is still good compared to my normal weight [around 119]
the new goal is 105. i'm not looking to be sickly looking - i just want to be tiny.
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| it's been eating at the back of my mind.
a little voice, reminding me of what i want.
everytime i see myself in the mirror, everytime i struggle to button another pair of jeans.
everytime i see some gorgeous model, or everyday girl glide effortlessly
i know that i want this.
i NEED this.
i'm back.
and hopefully, better than ever.
stay strong girls.
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